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IMPORTANT UPDATE

Just when you thought it was safe to back in the confession booth...

A new killer outbreak is sweeping Asia! This time it's bird flu. Not to be outdone by acronyms like SARS, the WHO has come up with a really cool one for this disease, H5N1. This acronym is some form of Texting abbreviation that no one over the age of of 13 understands. The governments of ten Asian countries have ordered the destruction of millions of chickens to stop the spread of this killer plague.

No one has actually died from this disease yet (aside from those millions of chickens), but it's really dangerous all the same. All individual confessional's will remain suspended indefinitely. We encourage members to avail themselves of our Online Confessional system instead.

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Forgive me Father for I have sinned.

It has been since my last confession.

Past News

14-July-2003 - IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

SARS ADVISORY LIFTED!

The WHO has finally declared the world SARS free! We have won the war against atypical pneumonia. But this victory has not come without a cost. Over 800 of our oldest, our sickest, and our weakest, were struck down by this global killer.

And now is not the time to celebrate. A new plague is now upon us. One which is thousands of times more deadly than atypical pneumonia. This new disease also targets the old, the sick, and Chinese who live in cockroach infested apartments with bad plumbing. Even more appalling though, is the fact that it feeds on children of all ages around the world. The WHO estimates that nearly one million people will succumb to this devastating disease in 2003.

The threat to humanity is unprecedented. What is even more alarming is that these figures are not paranoid speculation, but rather firmly grounded in fact. The WHO has statistics on this killer bug going back decades. This is not a question of what might be, but what will be.

It is only fitting that this new plague be named after its predecessor, atypical pneumonia. And it is no coincidence that scientists have chosen to call it pneumonia. That's right, just plain regular pneumonia, or JPRP for those of you who need an acronym. It killed hundreds of thousands of people last year.

Due to the momentous and immanent threat of this new disease JPRP, the church will continue to take precautions to protect both clergy and parishioners.

All individual confessional's will remain suspended indefinitely. We encourage members to avail themselves of our Online Confessional system instead.

12-Apr-2003 - IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

Due to the recent outbreak of the SARS epidemic the church is taking precautions to protect both clergy and parishioners. SARS is an extremely contagious disease, and has killed nearly ONE HUNDRED people in the last six months. It's almost 1/4 as dangerous as living in Los Angeles.

Effective immediately, all individual confessional's have been suspended indefinitely. We encourage members to avail themselves of our Online Confessional system instead.

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